DENIED!

Man, when you have feelings for someone you think and do some ridiculous things. 

You begin to think of the idea that you'll get "rejected". You get nervous. You get hopeful and desperate at the same time. Attraction is a tricky thing to the mind. It has a way of convincing you that you have to act a certain way to be attractive. That you have to be somthing other than yourself.

Lies.

Now don't get me wrong. This business of acting like a douchebag and then saying your just being yourself is a lie too. Because you're going out of your way to be your worst self. Be the self that would be fun to you. Playful, spontaneous, relaxed, focused, and present. Of course, there are more traits that you can work on but these seem to be the big guys. 

But something you really need to keep in mind is that there is no end except for death. 

There is no point at which you lose the ability to improve and choose how to attract those you desire. There is only the present moment and the best thing you can do is act out an enjoyable and REAL way to express who you are. 

So I'd say that just for this week, put your focus on letting your nervous habits go and leaning toward your natural ability to have fun. If people don't like it, consider that group of friends and maybe try to find another crowd that you can have fun with and grow with. 

Talk to you soon for Valentine's weekend.

Hope Lives

Doom in the Mind

The mentality of a man tends to be indicative of his future actions.

We're about to hit February. 

How have you been feeling? What have you been thinking? To be honest, I'm still blown away at how fast time can just blast by before you even realize it. And the ability for little things to take your attention is just one of the many ridiculous distractions that keep you from living your dreams.

Your attitude is yet another.

I just got a little tweet from lawyer Joe Fazi, a gentleman of staggeringly strong drive and capability to spread positive messages to everyone he meets.

"attitude attitude attitude controls all"

To be honest, regardless of where you are in life, the attitude thing always seems to be the ONE thing you can steer in the right direction.

Crappy day? Watch a funny movie. Visit a friend. Work out. Look at the good stuff in life. 

Pretty easy.

And when it comes to meeting your goal it's about looking at every resource you might have and exhausting them.

Also easy.

I knew a club manager who just lost his job. A lot of people really didn't like the guy. After knowing him for awhile it was easy to see why. 

He had a short temper, took horrible care of his body, had bad habits, and regularly put people down. I felt bad seeing a guy like that because I know that he's got a heart and a sense of humor like anyone else. I know that he also had a habit of using substance to replace the good things he needed in life. 

Where he needed compassion, humor, love and patience he jammed drugs, alcohol, sex, and food.

In a weeks time he lost his job and ended up in the hospital.

But it was really over time. It was the years of habits.

But it was not really the habits. It was the years of bad attitude.

And it all snowballed into a rough situation.

There's nothing like the way you curb your mood. Find positive ways to fuel your emotions. Then take that energy and make some great habits you can use to make this year your best ever.

Hope Lives

The Objective Relationship

What is your greater need?

Is it to experience comfort and familiarity? OR is it to experience massive variety and excitement?

Notice I did mention the word GREATER in that question. We all have both of those needs. But you can easily look at your job, past habits, past or current relationships, and soon come to see which of the two desires are greater within you. 

The purity of connection, I would fathom, is without definition. It's yet another purely subjective experience and all decided upon by the individual. Let's say for a moment that there were no such thing as marriage. That the idea of one man and woman did not exist. Let's say that men were not applauded for having sex with lots of women. Let's say that women experienced no social punishment for being promiscuous. No social constructs. No labels for the stages in a relationship. 

Would we pursure our natural inclinations differently? Would we recreate names and constructs for relationshiops? Would there be a need for a feeling equivalent to that thing called LOVE?

We all know relationships (especially long lasting ones) are REAL WORK. 

How often do you think that people would pair up and stay together? How much more or less do you believe people would express themselves sexually? How much would people ever experience the feeling of being trapped in a relationship? Would there be more of a drive toward self actualization than toward the relationship itself as a source of security? 

To be honest this blog post may be more of a rant than an actual lesson in itself. We sure do spend a lot of time trying to find the right relationship, don't we? We find ways to screen for the perfect person and at many times find ourself looking to see if the grass is greener in other relationships. We wonder if we even WANT or NEED to be in a relationship. We get in and feel tied down. We get out and feel lonely. We want to take the relationship "to the next level". 

I don't claim to know much. But I know we need each other.

I know this.

The individual who claims to be independent is a foolish liar. Even the well dressed, money rich man can't be claimed as independent. For it's the many other people that serve him that make him "rich". It is the tailor that makes his suit that serves the image of a waelthy man. It's the team of engineers and mechanics that create the car he drives. 

Foolish is the man who talks this business of no need for love. As is the woman that claims that love is beyond connecting with another. 

But what I CAN'T tell you is that there is a DEFINITE way that two lovers must connect. It seems that our mess of many conscious points of view are all trying to find a way to link up. So is it really the TYPE of lover that you choose? Do you REALLY need a guy that has a big CAREER? Do you need a woman that pretends to not like sex to keep some image of purity about her? Or is the idea of the socially perfect partner a load of bullshit? We still eat, fuck, and sleep all the same last I checked. We are born the same. And we all seem to die the same.

My question is, what is the GREAT relationship we all have with each other? What's the peak of our existnece supposed to come to? What is the relationship that depends on our many relationships coming together in what seems to be a mess of a world?

What ever relationship you decide upon, choose with your passion.

We are all connected. 

We will all be born, we will all experience, we will all die.

Hope Lives

The Evil.

"Your friends and family are the evil that pull you away from your work."

I can't remember the guy's name but he was my mild mannered and very wise english teacher from Africa. I remember those words spilling from his mouth on our first day of college English.

I immediately understood. 

This was also the man to whom I wrote my first paper on love for a grade. (I got an A, by the way.) There are a hell of a lot of distractions in this life. They love to pull you away from your work that you call boring. And you love to get pulled away. 

I usually don't talk about work and focus. But I feel that the beginning of the year might be the best time to mention it. We all have passions for something greater, and maybe even regrets for what we wish we could have done last year. And so for the moment you're ampped up!

It's time to get work done! I'm going to achieve! Man I'll show them!

What work? Achieve what? Show who?

And we have no specific focus on what we want, or the battle that we have chosen. It's just kind of a passing dream to say hello and goodbye to. So by the time we you hit mid February and have already been distracted by holidays, friends, weekends, errands, rivalries of bull shit nature, and hangovers, you don't care much about the resolution. You've been successfully distracted by the glob of stupid shit that you don't really care about. You've only been programmed to care about that shit.

Congratulations.

 

And so my question to you is...

What the fuck are you still doing here reading this?

Hope Lives

No Sex For YOU!

Much love to Brent Allen from Small Biz Marketing 2.0 for this subject idea.

It's funny how many times this subject has crossed my path but has NEVER hit me as a blog post. This is going to seem like it's mainly geared TOWARD WOMEN. But read this all the way through and you'll find this post is good for masculine and femenine energies alike. Here we go.

The main problem seems to be with professional women who are beautiful, driven, and seeking a strong relationship. The specific situation recently accounted was about a woman that would up front tell men that she was not going to have sex with them. 

I can understand and relate to this situation because I'm a male driven many times by sexual desire but I also have come to know what it's like to be worth no more than an object of sex. It's a bizzare feeling and I could not imagine always being in that position, which women are. It's easy to become jaded and confused when you're stepping with your best foot forward and you STILL can't seem to find someone to connect with and be appreciated by.

 

It is simply enraging to put so much effort into your life only to find that it's yet another battle to find the right kind of person to share it with. But life tends to be an endless series of steps in the name of progress and love. So try not to be too surprised. 

Let's make a quick break down.

Men = physical and logic driven.

Women =  emotional and connection driven.

This is not some sort of cut and dry definition of the two sexes, but rather an easy way to maybe see what is mentally happening in the case that a woman says:

 

NO SEX.

Now from what you've read so far, this woman just want's to be treated as important enough to be waited for and committed to. By the way, I'm not talking about weddings, kids, and half of your money. The fact of the matter is that committing to someone in that way really IS a big deal. But it's only a big deal if that commitment goes on for a certain amount of shared time and marriage comes along. For you see, commitment is a decision that can be made and broken just as easily. 

And although that may be the final destination for a woman it does not mean that she's trying to trap you. It's more common for someone to FEEL trapped before a relationship than for someone to be PLAYING THE HUNTER. It's called COMMITMENT PHOBIA.

There's a certain freedom of a single person that is threatened when a commited relationship is right around the corner. 

But we're off point now.

As a guy, who more often (no offense) thinks with his dick, it's easy to feel a sense of rejection because you've been (as a man) shut down. The same way a woman feels filled up aqin the midst of conversation and time spent together, a man feels this with physical contact and sex. 

So, ladies, I'm not writing this to give you guidelines on what to do if a man won't stick around in the event that you won't give up the goods right away. But what I AM doing is allowing you to realize that there is a different effect that lack of sex has on a man than it does a woman. I'm not telling you to go out and bang the world. I am telling you to pay more attention to a man's ego while holding a strong standard about who you are. 

Why would a man stop seeing you if you didn't give it up on the first date?
1) He feels rejected...in which case you may have made him feel bad before you made him feel good.
2) He only wants sex...in which case you dodged a bullet and can move on to a more compatible man.

Niether of these are bad. Don't try and punish a man for what he feels, just feel lucky to know what he DOES FEEL. Always have a way to show a man that he's worth your while. Starting off a date with a "No Sex" talk is just as good as saying, "This is not a date". But you can certainly flirt and simply enjoy yourself with him. The desire for men to please women is greater than you realize. Show the full extent of your personality. Have a blast. And when the end of the date comes, just say good bye. If he had a great time, you'll hear from him again. If not, move on.  Show him there's a few reasons you like him. The easiest way to keep a man around is by way of playing to his ego. 

Trust me, it's easier to stroke without feeling guilty the next morning. 

Hope Lives